What relationships are really there for (inspired by Eckhart Tolle)

10. December 2021

Let’s be completely honest. We often wish that our partners make us happy. After the initial phase of being deeply in love, we begin to see things in our partner that we don’t like and would like to change. Perhaps we even begin to doubt whether he / she is really “the right one” for us.

The spiritual teacher Eckhart Tolle says that relationships have never been as problematic and conflicted as they are today. This is to a large extent caused by the strong changes in the roles between men and women in the last few centuries and, in general, by the trend, particularly present in the younger generations, of “always wanting the best”. Many people choose to stay single, switch from one relationship to another, or give up and stay in a mediocre relationship.

Here comes the hard truth: even if Hollywood movies tell us otherwise, relationships are n’t there to make us fulfilled or happy. If we seek our happiness in the relationship partner, we will always be disappointed.

Relationships are there to make us AWARE instead of making us happy . Nobody can show us better about ourselves than our partners. They bring out every little detail about our ego structures, old pain or belief systems. Spiritual teachers often say “if you really think you are enlightened, then spend a weekend in peace with your family or partner”. Relationships are the ultimate chance to get to know ourselves better and to grow intensely.

If your partner says or does something that makes you angry, irritable, or sad, then it has only triggered something that was already inside you. It is your responsibility to deal with this. Sometimes it helps to imagine how we humans like to point our fingers at others when we are “triggered”. The point here is to turn the finger around and look inside ourselves to see what we can learn in the situation. So we can view relationships as a practice of personal development.

Living a conscious relationship isn’t easy, but it’s worth it. It’s amazing what can happen when both of you decide to go this route. However, it is also sufficient if only one of the two people begins to interpret the meaning of relationships differently.

In order to live in a conscious relationship, it is important to keep creating a space to listen to yourself. From my own experience I can recommend a daily meditation practice that has transformed my own relationships and resolved a lot of unnecessary arguments, drama and misunderstandings.